A Heart That Betrays My Mind Continued…

Posted on November 24, 2011

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An added problem to our relationship, was that because he would lie about everything, and I was struggling to keep my calm, because I knew he was lying but had no evidence so everyone thought I was a complete bitch. He would tell everyone, family and friends, about all the bad things about me, so that when I went to family events, they all hated me before even meeting me, so I never understood why they were being so offish to me when I was being really respectful and nice to them. I later realised it was because he has this incredible talent for making people have sympathy for him. This makes me sick. Any guy I meet now, who has that characteristic is automatically written off in my books. He was so good he even managed to convince my mom and sister that I was a terrible girlfriend to him and they, for a short period of time, turned against me. Not my dad. Never my dad. He always had my back. And now I know my mom and sis do too. But only once I finally managed to show people his true colours. Suddenly everyone changed their minds about my bitch self.

After he proposed to me, a few weeks later he told me he was going to Miami go to work on a Caribbean cruise ship for 6 months as a photographer. He hadn’t told me anything about it until it was all organised. I realised that the interview he had had a couple months ago had been for that. I had helped him find the right clothes, I’d helped him get a portfolio of his best work together and I had been incredibly supportive just to find out he had lied to me about what the job was. So a month after we were engaged, he was fucking off for 6 months. I was devastated. He also had long hair – something I loved about him – and he had to cut it for this job, which sucked, he had beautiful hair.
The night before he was leaving, he had a party with all his family and friends. Which I wasn’t invited to. I can’t explain in words how much this hurt. I felt so betrayed. I was his girlfriend for god’s sake, shouldn’t I have been there?!?! His mom didn’t want me to be there, she organised the party and made it clear that I wasn’t allowed to come. She had already banned me from the house at this point. I was there one weekend, and he had an aquarium so we had bought some new fish and we were feeding them and suddenly she walks past and says ‘D Do I need to tell you again what I said this morning??’ I was like…’what did she say??’ and he said ‘she wanted you out of the house this morning’ I was so upset, he hadn’t said anything to me about this so we had stayed until the evening, and I basically had ‘dickhead’ written on my forehead for overstaying my welcome without even realising it.

The next day my dad drove me to the airport so I could say goodbye to him and his parents were there – that was a bit awkward – his dad came and hugged me but obviously she just ignored me, but she wouldn’t dare say anything with my dad there. Once he got to Miami, he was working long hours, but he would come online when he finished work so I would get out of bed every day at 5/6am to go speak to him. One day I received a facebook notification about a comment someone left on one of his pictures that was one I had tagged him on, where he had a rose in his hands and she said ‘Wow…so gorgeous…is that rose for me? ;)’ or something along those lines, so I called him and told him this, and he just said it was a photographer there that liked him – Polish girl – and that it was nothing. But she wouldn’t say what she said if it was nothing.

Strangely enough just before I started Uni, he came back after just one month of working there, he said it was because he hated it there, and I believe he was suddenly terrified of what I would be doing at Uni.

The crunch part: A day before I moved into my university accommodation, he had left his email open at my place, and I saw that him and some woman had been exchanging emails, so I read it and my heart dropped. I suddenly became dizzy and found it hard to breathe. Turns out she was the photographer I told you about in the previous post on Valentine’s Day that had taken pictures of him – I had told him at the time that I didn’t like the way he looked at the camera. She had sent him a pair of knickers that she had orgasmed in whilst thinking of him, which he then reciprocated, by adding his own onto the knickers and sent them back. The email was describing what they had done, what they wanted to do in a lot of detail. She was a 42 year old married mother !!!  We had a massive argument, a lot of crying, he begged to stay over, I made him sleep on the floor with no pillow or blanket seeing as he refused to leave and go home. I had asked him what else he was hiding, and he decided to tell me something else, just to hide everything else he had done. He said he had an extra phone. One he used to text other people. He hid it in his car so I wouldn’t find it. Turns out him, his twin brother as well as his younger brother all had alternate phones that their girlfriends didn’t know about.

This is where it gets interesting !! About a month later, I still knew he was hiding more, and he was still lying about stuff, so I just had to find out!! Through my own means – which I will not share here, as a girl needs to keep her own secrets 😉 – I found out about all the other women.                                               Throughout our whole relationship he had been lying!!!

1 – On our first year anniversary when I bought us tickets for the London Eye and a romantic meal at an Italian restaurant in central london he had been texting a girl that same day and receiving naked pictures of herself – one that he had tried to score before me and him had even began going out, one I had questioned him about before

2 – On Valentine’s Day when I had gone through all that trouble to make it nice, he had been getting involved with the 42 year old woman

3 – When he said he had slept over at his business partner’s house when we argued, he had in fact, gone all the way to London to sleep over a girl’s house – a model he had met at a photography studio and had taken her number. He couldn’t even remember her name

4 – When he had gone to Miami he had lied about the Polish girl, they had been in a pool by themselves sipping on champagne and having some sexy time

5 – He had met up on a regular basis with a girl he called his ‘best friend’ which I always found hard to swallow. I never felt comfortable with it, I didn’t believe she was just his best friend, there was way much more to it!! I found out he used to say to her that he couldn’t meet up with her because I was staying with him which he was annoyed about, and couldn’t wait for me to fuck off. He would leave my place and go meet up with her in a car park and when she didn’t her daughter at home, she would invite him round.

When I found out all of this, he was in my bed at Uni, sleeping – it was 5am – I ripped the blankets off him, sat down, and very calmly told him to start talking, because I knew it all. He was confused but suddenly started panicking. I remained calm and he said everything and more. When he finished I gave him a good fucking slap across the face. I was utterly heartbroken. But at least now I knew why my instinct had told me he was lying all this time, and I wasn’t going crazy!!! Like everyone kept telling me!! I started doubting myself before because I was told so often. But now I had proof.

We tried to make it work. Unfortunately he lived with me at my accommodation, which ruined my first year and that pisses me off. I never went out, if I did he would come with me so I wouldn’t meet anyone. I had made no friends. In his defence he did change. He became the perfect boyfriend but it was far too late!!!!  I basically just stayed with him until the moment I could send him away and knew I could handle being without him. He lived with me because he wanted to prove that he wasn’t seeing anyone or doing anything he shouldn’t. He was great. It made me angry that he couldn’t have been this way before!!!! Everything would have been perfect then!!! But I couldn’t trust him and never would.
We also had sexual problems after that because I lost all my attraction for him. I couldn’t see him in the same way, and I couldn’t be intimate with him at all. He tried all kinds of things to fix that but it wasn’t fixable.

I obviously threw the engagement ring in his face !! The next summer, I went to Portugal by myself, and he supported me and he knew I was going to see my ex. This relates back to guy Number 1 from the first part of this story, when I went to go see him for closure.

I began my second year, and had it in my mind that I was going to go out and meet as many people as possible. I also decided to start smoking, which he hated, so I would go outside meet up with my friends and have a smoke while he slept in my room. Then I would go out clubbing while he slept in my room too. He tried to stop me. This is when I told him to fuck off and that was it. My second year became my best year at Uni.

In the next post I will write briefly about the good things about him, the bad and what I learnt from that relationship.

To be continued…

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Posted in: Love