A Heart That Betrays My Mind Continued…

Posted on November 24, 2011


So the first part of this story began with my first love so now, as is logical, I will continue this journey with person Number 2 in order to finally get to person Number 3. My previous post was difficult to write, but I am curious where this one will take me, as it was a completely different experience. I should mention that this relationship lasted 3 years…there is much to tell, I will try to stick to the most relevant parts, because if I wrote it all, it would probably be one too many posts 😛

2 –    First things first: I was at a point in my life when I was clubbing every week, and I was finally (mostly) over the turmoil of moving from Portugal to the UK. I used to go to a rock/indie/metal club called Manor Club in Chatham (Kent) every Friday and at this point I still didn’t have an aversion to meeting guys in clubs – retarded I know, but lesson learnt. This particular Friday my friends weren’t keen on going and my sister really didn’t feel like it either, but I for some reason just had to go. As soon as I walked in, I saw him. It was one of those ‘Ahhh’ moments you know when a light shines and all is well 😛 so after some dancing I decided to go look for him…I found him standing against a wall and I showed my friend, and she childishly decided it would be a good idea to push me into him – MORTIFYING RIGHT?? I mean we did that in 5th grade…not now!! Anyway, so I stood against the wall for a while, we made eye contact and then he just turned and went into the metal room. I was like :O fine then!! Fuck you too!!! So I then went and danced with many unknown faces got plenty drunk and suddenly a couple hours later there he is again, and he calls me over and says ‘Do you have a name?’ I said yes and told him, and he said ‘Next time you wanna talk, just come and say hello’ haha at which point I blushed like an idiot – not that he could see, it was fairly dark. So he asked for my number and he had to go because he had to photograph some girl early the next day.

First date – We were texting a lot after that, and then he asked me on a date on that Sunday, so because I didn’t want to tell my parents, I told them I had to work at Bluewater that day so I went in and instead of working, I spent a whole day with him. As soon as we met up he held my hand and we walked around for a bit, had something to eat and then went to the cinema to watch ‘Number 23‘ starring Jim Carrey. During the movie, we held hands as well which somehow wasn’t awkward and then we went to TGI Fridays, my friends from work joined us, some of his friends came as well, and we all had a drink and played pool which was pretty cool. At this point we were getting quite into our kissing and clearly very attracted to each other. Everyone went home and then I saw him secretly again on Tuesday, he picked me up from work and dropped me off home but we had a sneaky little make out session in the car 😛 Then again on Wednesday, things went further and we were going out at this point.

From this point onwards he kept trying to take me to new places every weekend which was really exciting, because he wouldn’t tell me until we got to the final destination. The next weekend we went for a long drive on a sunny day which was amazing, and we went to this cement place, where all kinds of things were made out of cement, so he bought 2 birds, and we went back to his place, and spent a few hours painting them. I had so much fun. I have both as I am a herder 😛 I love keeping things as they all have sentimental value.
The next weekend he took me to a beach and just walked along the coast line for hours just talking and talking and getting to know each other I guess.

Romantic – One of the best dates with him that I can remember was when he just text me saying ‘be ready in 20 minutes and dress warm’ that’s all I knew, and I was falling for him quick at this point, so I was incredibly excited and he just wouldn’t tell me anything, no clues. Finally we got to Bluebell Hill in Maidstone, Kent and it was just such an amazing view, there was a sunset and sitting on the grass on that hill meant we could see the whole city as the sun was setting and he put a blanket down and another blanket around us, and opened up a basket – which contained every food I had ever mentioned in passing that I loved!! I couldn’t believe it, some things he had to have gone to a lot of trouble to find, and he must have been paying some serious attention to what I had been saying coz some stuff I had mentioned weeks ago!!! He had also brought candles and some wine 😛 so I can safely say this was the most romantic date I have ever had in my life!!!

 We would text each other all day long, every day, and talk on MSN every evening, and I would spend every weekend at his parent’s place. It was really cool at this point, and I would cook with his mom and I would have a chat with his dad about work, and his brothers would mostly be jerks 😛 One time I was having a shower, and there was a small window that was open above the main window, and I’m standing there stark naked and his younger brother climbs up and watches me through the window!!! I so was PISSED OFF I ran and closed the window shut in his face!!! Which he totally deserved – when I told my dad about this he was NOT impressed at all!!!
His parents were jokes as well, because they would hear us upstairs and find it incredibly amusing 😛

Anyway…He was just finishing his degree and he had just started his own photography business with 2 other guys which is what led me to do some modelling through him. It started off as him just having ideas and wanting me to be his model (the picture of me on my home page is actually one he took) and then I would go with him to the model and photographer meetings, where other photographers said they wanted me to model for them which I did and it was all really fun.

LYING!!!! Right…I should reiterate my absolute hatred for lies. I hate them. With a passion. I have always had an instinct for knowing when people lie to me, so when they do, I hate how they insult my intelligence by thinking I will believe their bullshit. Plus it just makes them look idiots. I just started realising that for some reason he was lying about stuff….I didn’t understand why I just knew he was lying about something. I then decided to do some research and found some incriminating and inappropriate stuff he was saying to others girls. Then I discovered that he would be photographing girls in lingerie and naked and would lie about where he was and what he was doing. Even for Valentine’s Day, I had everything ready and prepared for a lovely evening, and he ended up going for a shoot where he was the model and several women were photographing him, and there was something iffy about what he was saying, and he showed me the pictures and the first thing I said was ‘I don’t like the way you’re looking at the camera…you’re interested in whoever is shooting you. This is relevant for what happens later on!!! Things started deteriorating after that, and I noticed he was being really secretive about his phone – which by the way, is always a clear sign that a guy is fucking you around or doing something he shouldn’t!! Every single time a guy starts hiding his phone away, or putting it facing down, or being defensive about it, there has always been a reason for it!!

His mother – Once me and him began arguing a lot, his mom got involved and she would even send me some pretty horrible texts when I wasn’t there, and I would be harassed by her at every turn. I can’t think of anyone I hate, except her, I would hate to bump into her somewhere some day, because she played a big role in making my life hell. In fact, she really traumatised me when it comes to meeting a guy’s mom. His dad loved me though, and we always got along really well and he went out of his way to be really nice to me.  There is a lot I could say about his mother, but I am choosing not to, because that would be a whole post in itself.

When we started going out he said that in a couple years I would have his ring on my finger.  The relationship had problems, but we still stayed together. For my 18th birthday he took me to Portugal for 2 weeks, we went to Algarve, Quarteira. On my birthday we went jet skiing and it was frikkin awesome!!!! We had dinner, he got a cake which was delicious and then we went to sit on the rocks on the beach, and he set up his camera, and then he proposed to me!!! Now…there are several things I should mention here:

  1. This was a huge, astronomical mistake that I regret and will never allow such stupidity to happen ever again. I don’t even believe in marriage, and will only say Yes to a guy after he has checked every one of my very specific boxes and after a few years of dating – basically until I know for sure I can spend the rest of my life with this person.
  2. The setting was perfect, but the moment itself felt wrong, incredibly wrong. I just knew it wasn’t right, and then right after he proposed, instead of holding onto me and us enjoying the moment, he spent the next hour taking pictures on the waves and trying to make them blurry. I mean…seriously…what the fuck?!?! So I was already feeling super down at this point.
  3. He proposed for all the wrong reasons!!! I will address these in my next post.

It is hard to give a summary of this relationship, because so much happens in 3 years, so I may not be giving a holistic view of what it was, which I apologise for.

Before I wrap this post up, I just want to say a few more things, so that I can make sense in my next post.

One day we had a really bad argument. He was shooting a wedding, and we argued and I said for him not to come see me, so he didn’t and I didn’t hear from him. The next weekend, I was in the garage with his dad (I used to always go to the garage and help his dad out fixing the car). He had a modified car, so we used to go to Modified car shows etc, which I will never ever go to again. Anyway, he wanted an even better sound system than he already had, so I was helping him build a box to go in his boot, so that we could put speakers in there, as well as amplifiers etc etc – it would become an amazing boom box. Anyway, as him, his dad and I worked on this, his dad pointedly looked at me, and said to him ‘ Where did you go last night? You never came home!!’ Now…this is one of the reasons I love his dad…he said that on purpose because he knew that I didn’t know that D hadn’t come home the night before, so he was trying to help me. D got incredibly pissed off at his dad and I was like :O what do you mean he didn’t come home?!? So we went to his room, started arguing and he said he went to his business partner’s place…which I knew was bullshit!!! I could see it all over his face that he was lying, so I kept asking but he wouldn’t let up. We left it at that. Later on you will see that I was right afterall.

To be continued… 


Posted in: Love