What Has Happened to People??

Posted on January 25, 2012

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What has happened to people?
Why is it so easy for some people to be so cruel, uncaring and insensitive? Everyone has their own agenda…they do what they do in order to benefit themselves – not that that is entirely wrong, because if we don’t look out for ourselves, who will? What I am trying to find out is when did people decide it was acceptable to be so inhumane towards others? This is something that can be seen everywhere you look…and even in those rare occasions where you see someone being really kind towards another human being, I question what their motivation is. Did the random act of kindness come from a belief that if they do this good deed that they will have some sort of reward? I feel as though nobody ever does anything kind for the purpose of just doing the right thing – there is always this some hidden meaning or reasoning behind it. It could be because:

– If others see them doing something kind, they will be perceived as a kind person, therefore improving their own reputation
– Doing it in the hopes that the person to whom they were kind too, will be kind to them back, or do some sort of favour in return
– Looking at it religiously, they may believe that by being kind they will go to Heaven
– Maybe even Karma, meaning they hope to get kindness back in threefold

All of these are still, in a way, selfish. Is it just human nature? Or is it something we (society) have created?

Recently, I have found myself in quite a dark place in my mind. I have been scratching and kicking trying to get myself out of it. It has become a daily struggle…waking up…which always seems to be the hardest part, and trying to make it through the morning – once that is done – I have to try and make it through the afternoon. Wow…I think to myself.. I have done well…let’s try and make it through the evening now. During these times, one of the ways in which I have tried to remain positive about life is to try and focus on all the little gestures and the nice words people have said to me during the week, or maybe even last week.

1 – I was at work and I felt like I was coming down with a cold – I mentioned this in passing to my co-workers – and 10 minutes later, one of them appeared out of nowhere with a glass of hot water with lemon, honey and ginger (which he had to go and search for) and gave it to me. This is something small…but it is the fact that I had simply mentioned it quietly…somebody heard and decided to do something about it. This made me smile. It was a very sweet gesture. I haven’t figured out whether there was some sort of hidden agenda behind doing it, but I will convince myself that there wasn’t.

2 –  Being told by one of my good friends from Albania that he trusts me, that he doesn’t trust many people, but he trusts me. Yes, he was drunk, but I believe a lot of the truth is revealed whilst inebriated 😛 This is also something special to me. I really don’t see any hidden agenda here.

3 – Knowing that all I have to do is look at my mom and she knows that my mind is in a dark place and that she will do whatever is in her power to give me a safe place to go to and heal for a few days, and she will make my favourite food and only talk about my dark place when I feel like talking about it. I know she is the person/place I can find refuge which right now, is the only place. With this particular point, I’m 100% sure there is no hidden agenda.

4 – Knowing I can talk to my dad, even though he is very far away. He cheers me up, he knows how to motivate me when I am feeling despondent and gives me direction about which steps I should take when he knows I have come to a crossroads and have no clue where to go. He also listens patiently when I just need to rant about everything and everyone. Again, no selfish reasons behind this.

5 – Hearing a voicemail from a friend who I have been avoiding (not on purpose, just because I am struggling with people right now) and he says he just wanted to call to see if I am ok, and that I can call him back if I want to talk to someone about it. This also made me smile.

6 – Being told by the person you like that you are the strongest, smartest person they know in the UK and the best person to hang out with. Yet he has done and said stuff which contradicts this and he most definitely has his own personal selfish agenda. He won’t do anything unless it benefits his own precious self. Words from him become poison, and I would say that this agenda is that if he says stuff like that, I will be more likely to stick around until the day he goes back to his country (which will be very soon) and he can get on with his perfect life, while I stay behind and try and pick up all the little scattered pieces of myself.

Ha! Yes….I realise that list started out quite well and ended quite bitterly…but what can I say ——-> [……………………………..]

I also try and focus on happy memories. The problem with those memories is that we always remember things to be better than they actually were at the time. Our present always seems to suck, yet our past always seems more colourful. Perhaps this is some sort of survival method of ours, to try and convince us that life isn’t so bad….things can be good. Those memories also seem to be tainted by whatever has happened with the continuation of those memories. The state of affairs as they are now. Suddenly they’re not so colourful anymore. It is a kind of vicious circle I guess.

I also keep wondering to myself…why is it that the good things people say and do don’t hold as much value as the bad things? The good things seem to pale in comparison to the things that hurt. I think about the things in the above list I gave you, but then out of nowhere I am reminded about the very recent negative, hurtful things people have said, and the emotion that follows is much, much more intense. This frustrates me. In just a few words – everything can change. A few days ago, something so simple was said, but the impact was irrevocable. I can’t see the person in the same way ever again.

The main question still remains – Why is it so much easier for people to be cruel, uncaring and insensitive than it is for them to be kind, caring and sweet? 

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Posted in: Thoughts